Tag Archives: bullies

It’s been a while, I know, but if you look at the date of this post, we’re two months into the regime, and most of my time has been spent trying to shield myself from it all.
As I may have mentioned before, my Modern Dance class and teacher have been my sanctuary, but also my avenue to process my emotions. Lately I have attended often enough that I learn the choreography of the month quicker (combined with learning how to learn), and I can let the movement take over and soothe my mind. At times I have gone to class feeling desperate, and the warm-up sequences felt arduous until I had sort of a crying moment, after which I was rebuilding myself with every movement. And then I laugh whenever I forget where I am and go in the wrong direction!
In my class two days ago, I found myself next to another dancer who had made an unasked for negative comment to me before, and I was distracted by their style and presence, as if I owned the space. It was not until I chose to ignore them that I could dance freely (and frankly better). They were still there, but I deliberately ignored their presence and I was no longer distracted. I enjoyed the dance so much, and I realized that I had put myself in a leading position for others.
So that is the essence of my message today: ignore the trolls, do not engage with them. Build your own scenes, as you would in an Improv class where you leave your ego at the door. Ignore the bullies (who form the current government), and chase the old ones away from your mind. I realized the whole lot of the people in power now were like the bullies of my youth: unable to grow up, stuck in a narrative of dominating by violent words and actions.
In a sense, these modern grown bullies have helped me improve my self-esteem. My own flavor of gender dysphoria nourishes my low self-esteem, but having bullies so senselessly destroying everything around them has had the reverse effect on me. They are despicable and hateful. Why would I let any of them influence me?